


-.~Nerds~.-

by Colored_eyes_101, one_hell_of_an_otaku



Category: DRAMAtical Murder
Genre: Death, Dork, Highschool AU, Jesus - Freeform, M/M, Murder, Pokemon References, Sex, Weeaboo, also known as noizes, also there is no death, and stupid, beni's seven and human, bullshit, cool cats, corner of mystery, delicate, fake cigarettes, flower - Freeform, fucking koujaku being a weeb, gnats, math too i guess, meme trash, nerd, noiz being disgruntled, oh and some nerds i guess, or murder, pink sticky notes, ren being the delicate flower, they are alive, wannabe otaku, ye
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-09-30
Updated: 2015-01-15
Packaged: 2018-02-19 07:48:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,618
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2380499
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Colored_eyes_101/pseuds/Colored_eyes_101, https://archiveofourown.org/users/one_hell_of_an_otaku/pseuds/one_hell_of_an_otaku
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Your name is AOBA SERAGAKI and you are 15 YEARS OLD. You enjoy retainers, Ren, and long walks on the beach.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. STUDY OF THE GODS 'gays' meeting #17

Your name is Aoba Seragaki.

You are the most hottest, sexiest, masculine cutie to ever walk the halls of your high school. Your retainer gleams in every bright, lighted hallway whenever you flash your signature sexy smile to some lucky victim. Your pale hazel eyes are always wide with wonder and a love of learning. And of course you can't forget your long, dashingly, sexy legs that though long, still manage to make you shorter then your shit friends. You strut up to your locker, ripping it open in a very manly way and then basking in the glory of knowledge as all of your books fall into your expecting arms. All of them then fall to the floor the instant you catch them because you have weak-ass muscle tone and can't carry shit, be it a toothbrush or a lentil bean. You pretend like the books falling to the floor was all part of your brilliant plan, and just ignore them for five seconds. Once the five seconds are up, you pick them up one by one, before choosing the required documentation for your next class. God you love the power of these algebraic equations. Some sorry little loser will lose his uneducated shit the day you slander him with every problem from page 478 section review 3. And then you'll eliminate some 'cool-cats' with your vast knowledge of the malicious gases you were self-educated with in the 7th grade. Self educated from a fucking college grade text book! Damn they wont expect that now will they. No they will not. When you finally manage to close your locker (after several attempts), your attention is pulled to the gnat who has appeared on the battlefield before you. The battlefield, also known as the locker-lined/student-filled hallway is a place where you've fought many battles against the annoying, pesky gnat. This gnat is also known as Noiz. Fuck Noiz and his stupid, annoying Pokemon game. Ever since he learned you had a 3ds, as well as the Pokemon game he wont get off your ass about playing against him. It's not like you play it seriously. You play it for the pure enjoyment you got out of it last year whenever you'd beat the shit out of someone's Pokemon. It was fun for a little while but then it just sort of got old. For you at least. Noiz is heavily addicted and while he may not admit it, he's fucking annoying about it. And that brings us to the current stand-off you two are having right now. He's got that sinister- no, fucking shit eating annoying ass trash 'play Pokemon with me' face on right now. Don't say it, you practically beg in thought but this is Noiz we're talking about…

 

"Play Pokemon with m-" And there it is.

 

"Fuck no. Schtop bugging me about it. I'm not gonna play your schit game with you. I'm not schome addict like you. Now gosch away!"

 

"But-"

  

"SCHTOP IT!" You whine in the most victimized annoying voice. It's not even like you're trying, this is literally how you sound when you're upset. It's sort of pitiful.

 

"But- Aoba-"

  

"MEEEHHHHHHHH!" Seriously now? What is with that whine practically dripping from your mouth? It's so embarrassing, yet no one is really looking, considering this happens on a pretty regular basis…

 

"I'll make you play with me-" He says in his usual deadpan tone of voice. Well then Noiz if that's the way you want to play, you'll play-

 

*Pewwwwwwwwwwwwwww-* Is the elegant, partially reassuring sound of your retainer flying towards it's target's head. Sadly, he swerves out of the way, collapsing to the floor from his powerful matrix maneuver, your killer batter up retainer toss flying past and hitting the back of Mizuki's head. Well…fuck.

  

"Hah…hah. Aoba-" Mizuki turns around, a slightly, peeved smile awkwardly spread across his face.

 

"Sorry." You mumble faintly, which you're pretty sure no one heard. You're pretty peeved yourself, considering that perfect pitch hit the wrong target. Your damn retainer needs to have some sort of a target lock feature-

 

"H…Here-" He offers you your retainer, weakly held from the tips of his fingers. You all but rip it out of his grasp and, with the light polishing of your sleeve, shove back into your mouth, settling it against your top row of teeth. Mizuki gives you a sort of, mangled yet grateful expression.

  

*Audible groan*

  

An audible groan can be heard from the floor where a crumpled nerd lay, heavily weakened from the use of his powerful defense. He adjusts himself on the floor, pulling a 3ds from his back pocket and beginning to tap at it with the stylus. You both gawk at him and his weirdness for a second, before you both return your attention to the more important matters at hand.

  

"So, hows it goin and…stuff?" Mizuki asks awkwardly.

  

"It'sch going fine." You reply in a bored voice.

 

"That's…cool."

  

"Schure." You reply. It's always sort of been this way…well, not really. You were both good friends in the 4th grade, but for some reason it just sort of wore off and you were more of just acquaintances  who invaded each other's homes often.

 

"Well. I've got to get to class so, tell…people I said hi."

 

"Mhm. Schee you later Mizschuki."

  

"Later!" He calls to you as he rushes to whatever his next class is.

 

"You. You should play Pokemon with me." Grunts the slightly battered gnat-nerd from the floor.

 

You drop your retainer on his face.

 

……………………..-…………………….

 

"AOBA! KANICHIWA!" Calls another member of your group of shit friends as you walk into your club room.

Kouajaku is one of your more, 'closer' friends, and is also as he calls it, an "Otaku" but everyone knows he's a fucking weeaboo. He thinks that because his Grandmother is half Japanese, it makes him a Japanese which makes all the Japanesey stuff he does okay. He has shit pronunciations, thirty two pairs of Kimono pants/shirts/and actual Kimonos, and a fucking sword. He tried to wear it to school once, but he didn't get two yards into the building before a teacher was on his ass about bringing a weapon to school. On the same day he managed to get himself suspended from school for threatening to, 'Conjuring Chop Slash' and 'Magic Warlock Slicing Bane Hack'  principal Toue. Otherwise he'll wear his sword 24/7 outside of school. Except the town library because his sword got banned from there too. No-one will forget that day when he

 

"Hey Koujaku." You reply, weakly setting down all of the shit you had dragged into the classroom with you, onto the table in the back of the room. You let it fall onto the table, all of it spreading out on the surface while some books slide to the floor and everyone in your club is watching as it all happens, not particularly interested or bothered by the occurrence. Even after everything has found it's place on the table and/or floor everyone is still staring, until your lone blue calculator falls to the floor. Once that happens everyones gone back to what the were doing before.

 

Koujaku chanting some Japanese-

 

Noiz clicking his 3ds in a streak of violent rage-

 

Ren blowing his guts out of his nose-

 

And Mink who is chilling in his dark and mysterious corner of knowledge and badass-ness. It's a pretty cool corner, with large sheets of black construction paper taped the the walls, a lone wooden stool that has seen it's better days, and Mink atop of it, smoking his candy cigarettes ominously. No one bothers Mink unless they need his wise, sage knowledge written on a pink pocket sticky note with an environmentally friendly recycled pencil. God, Mink is so fucking important to this club group. So-fucking-important. Well, he's worthless to you right now so you decide to go and suave your way into Ren's heart-

 

"Hey schexy~" You say sexily.

 

"Oh…hhhhhhhhhHHHHHEy Aoba." He wheezes in his nasally voice.

 

"Scho, thisch Schaturday, howsch about you andsch I-" 

 

"ALMIGHTY NARUTO-SENPAI BLESS ME WITH YOUR PRESENCE! ARI ARI ARIGATO KA KA KA KAWAII!" Koujaku screams out suddenly.

  

Before you have a chance to throughly comprehend what is actually happening, Mink is summoned by an annoyed Noiz, who then watches as Mink goes to pray some Jesus into Koujaku before he gets possessed by Satan.

 

"ANYWaysch, Ren, Howsch aboutsch it? My granny schaid sche'd drive usch to the movie theater this weekend to schee that ochean documentary. You could even..you know, schpend the night ifscha want to~" You're blushing now, which totally made Ren wet his pants, and with another slight push from your sexiness, there'll be no way he can say no. But should you pull such a move on him? Why yes, you should-

  

You flutter your long, manly, elegant eyelashes at him-

 

It fucking worked.

 

You're pretty sure he's having a seizure, considering the whites of his eyes are exposed and he's shaking a ton. You fucking aced it. You managed a fucking date.

 

"Gayyyyyyyy." Calls Noiz from the otherside of the room with a mouthful of Koujaku's green tea flavored pocky sticks, drawing 'that feeling when no girlfriend' and doges in Koujaku's One Piece manga, while Koujaku lays on the floor, a blanket that came from literally no where on his shaking body which isn't anything out of the ordinary when Mink possesses him with the holy spirit.

 

You chuck your retainer in Noiz's direction, and hear the satisfying knock as it hits his empty head.

  

Koujaku suddenly groans, which leads to Mink ripping the blanket off and flying to Ren's side, settling the blanket on his still shaking form. You'd be all dramatic with Mink, and hold Ren's hand, even managing a tear of sorrow, but you've just realized the Noiz is trying to put on your retainer and you would really like that back now because Noiz is fucking gross and you don't want his spit mixing with your spit and making spit babies. Just as you begin a wrestling match with him for your retainer, the loud Dragon Ball Z opening theme starts blaring throughout the room. It's the alarm for when it's time to start your club, since you all like to run a nice tight schedule. You all really hate that alarm though, considering fucking Koujaku changed it from the original 'turn down for what' which everyone (except fucking Koujaku) preferred, but no one has bothered changing. You all settle yourselves in your seats and begin your 'STUDY OF THE GODS'  club time. You are so proud of that name. It was so fucking clever of you.

 

Though, half the time your unappreciative peers are vandalizing the sign, graffiti-ing it into, 'STUDY OF THE ~~GODS~~ gAYs' which is a totally crude, irresponsible, bitch-ass move.

 

Everyone makes their way to the front of the classroom, or the back, or where-the-fuck-ever, to their prefered seating choices except for you at the teacher's desk, since your the club leader and all. Koujaku is at the window, for a "slice of life perpective", Noiz in the very back, Mink in his corner, and Ren in the front like a good pupil. Also closest to tissue supply cupboard.

And the pencil sharpener. 

And the bathroom passes.

And the door.

  

He's very delicate.

 

"Alright, if you'd all pull out your  Calculusch BCSH booksch and turn to page 596."

 

*Groans collectively* *Including you*

 

"And if you'd turn your attentschion to the board asch I schow you how to work problem 16-"

 

"Draw the ones as dicks!" Shouts Noiz from the back.

 

"GOD DAMN IT NOIZSCH! SCHUT THE FUCK UP AND DON'T DISCHTRACT ME! Besidesch, I alwaysch draw the onesch asch dicksch anywaysch."

  

"You forgot last time." Noiz points out, and everyone hums and nods in agreement.

  

"Fine then. I forgot one time. Thatsch all though."

 

"But, there was also that one time in October-"

 

"Noizsch."

 

"What-"

 

 

You blindly throw your retainer behind your back, waiting for the hollow sound of it hitting his head-

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

  

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

  

You miss, and instead break a window.

 

*Collectively evict themselves from the classroom as normally as possible pretending nothing happened*

 

*Oh shit Koujaku's face is bleeding oh god you broke his face oh god don't say anything maybe he'll think it's a nosebleed or something-*

 

 


	2. STUDY OF THE GODS 'gays' meeting #21

You fucked up.

 

You are willing enough to accept that. Especially considering your club meetings moved into the bathroom's handicap stall. Koujaku is fucking scarred for life in more ways than one since you gave him a whopping 4-inch scar across his nose, which can barely be covered by a pathetic mini Hello Kitty band aid. But everyone is pretty content with the current club-meeting location, until the teachers make available to you a classroom for your club meetings. Luckily enough for Mink and pretty much everyone, the mysterious corner was set up in the back of the bathroom stall. Though, the tape isn't sticking too well to the tile walls, so the black paper keeps falling off. Well, whatever. Overall, it's pretty home-like, reminding you of the bathroom at Mizuki's place. Koujaku brought in some hair stuff too, like a curling iron and some gay hair clips and all that shiz. At the end of the day he's decked everyone out in hair fashions that remind you faintly of that of a five year old little girl. But never mind that, you and your gang look pretty damn amazing in your get-ups.

 

Today is most likely the last day of the bathroom arc though, because the teachers have promised you a new club room at the end of the week, and it's Friday now. You'll all miss the bathroom stall you made yourselves at home in, but no matter. A new classroom will be much more appropriate for you all. Especially considering that the girls bathroom is a bit of a risky location. Girls are pretty weird when it comes to your club's daily activities. Like on Wednesday you were helping Mink baptize Koujaku in the holy waters of the bathroom sink when a girl from Ren's science class walked in. She made the whole ordeal incredibly awkward, gawking at the three of you, while Noiz grouched from inside the stall about his shit Pokemon game.

 

"Fucking pikachu is fucking shit he could have totally taken out that blaziken what a piece of shit- oh there's a girl here."

 

"Schut up Noizch! Everyone act natchural!" You screech. You do a quick turn and flash her a ~~retainery~~ SEXY AS FUCKING HELL smile-

 

And with that, she had slowly backed out the door. Koujaku had been drowning in the sink at that point so Mink had removed and placed him on the toilet in the stall. Koujaku was out cold, and Noiz suggested you punch air back into his chest. All it took was one of your power kicks so send him back into consciousness, so that was pretty cool on your part. 

 

Koujaku cried afterwards, but he kind of does that a lot. He thinks it makes him a 'likable character' if he's really emotional. He's sort of a really dumb asparagus. But today nothing much was going on, so you all just decided to hang out in the bathroom. Koujaku has claimed the porcelain throne, his, and Mink obviously has his mysterious stool which looks pretty horrific considering some of the bloodstains from the window accident stained the wood. You and Noiz occupy the nasty cold floors, which are really hard and uncomfortable. It's a Friday so your club activities are pretty slow and all you guys are really doing is just chilling and being cool.While the others hang out and argue and talk about porn, you turn your attention to the stall door, waiting for your allergy/various illnesses-prone lover to arrive. He's late, which isn't too unusual. He is usually the one to help the teachers collect papers and shit after class, because he's a little dweeb. A sexy dweeb with a hot wheeze~

 

"Hhhhhhhheyyy guysss." Can be heard from the other side of the stall door, about ten minutes later, after you almost jerked off right then and there amongst your other friends. Good thing you stopped yourself in time because who fucking knows what could have happened. Koujaku would flush himself down the toilet and Noiz would jerk off with you most likely. You're not really sure what Mink would do, but he'd probably try to cut off your hands and purify them with salt. 

 

Anyways; You unlock the stall door and offer Ren a seat on your lap because otherwise he'd be sitting on the cold floor next to you and Noiz, which would be just too cruel. He almost doesn't take it, but you gently persuade him by yanking down on his arm so he falls helplessly in your lap.

 

"Hey schexy~" You smirk, looking down at his red-as-ass face.

 

He passes out right in your lap. Which is fine with you because you can touch his hair now without him whining about how you're turning him on.

 

"Hey Mink, do you think they sell hentai to minors?" Koujaku audibly asked.

 A faint scribbling could be heard, which followed with Mink sticking a pink sticky note on Koujaku's expecting forehead. Koujaku plucked it off and read it-

 

"Damn it." He pouted.

 

"Hey Aoba-" Noiz began.

 

"I'm buschy." You reply, gesturing your eyes to the beauty in your lap.

 

"More like gayyy." Noiz replies. You use Ren's knocked out body and shove Noiz to the floor from his ~~shitting~~ sitting position.

 

Noiz sits back up and starts having a very intense conversation with one of his Pokemon. It would be creepy, if it weren't for the fact that pretty much all of you talk to yourselves in some way or another. Koujaku talks to his sword, Mink to the birds, you to your hot reflection and Ren to his mom. You have so much in common with these friendly peasants you might have thought you were a peasant yourself. Lucky for them, you are no peasant, but instead a hot sexy ass with blue hair. That hair is so not natural. You've dyed it every month since 5th grade so you've forgotten it's natural color to be honest. You once tried to permanently change the color of your hair by dying it every hour, which basically resulted in you turning your locks into cardboard. Luckily it was a temporary dye so you could wash it all out. You begin to wonder what your actual hair color was...maybe red. Probably black. Nah you're a bluenette and always will be. It's like those Internet people who identify as animals. You identify as a bluenette. Just like Koujaku 'identifies' as a 'Japanese' but he's not ever going to be Japanese so he's pretty stupid.

 

You hear a light groan and a gag from the babe in your lap, and stare down at him with wide creepy eyes, hoping to will him back into sleep, because touching his hair is pretty fucking fun and if he wakes up he won't let you touch it anymore.

 

"Aobaaaaaaaaa whyyyy-"

 

"Schchschh Ren. Juscht Schhh." You reply.

 

"Buuuuuuut-"

 

"Juscht schut up darling." You command, widening your eyes once more to will him to sleep.

 

"Hhhhhhiiiii can't breathhhhh-"

 

"Oh."

 

You lift Ren up so he's no longer laying on your lap, but rather just sitting. He gags a few times and coughs and rips out his nose shit thing and squirts it into his nosey holes. He takes deep wheezes before gagging some more, and then trying to get up which you assist with by yanking him back down.

 

"If you two don't mind, I'm trying to learn how to punish sucky Pokemon so if you could go and be gay somewhere else, that would be nice."

 

"Schut up you non-schtraight."

 

"Fuck you."

 

"Oi Noiz you better not fuck my best tomadachi-"

 

"This is AMERICA SPEAK ENGLISH."

 

"Uhhhhhhhhhhhh guyssss-"

 

"BAKA I WILL SPEAK NIHONGO IF I WANT!"

 

"YOUR NI HON HON GU IS NOT WELCOME HERE."

 

"POKEMON IS JAPANESE YOU BAKA!"

 

"oh."

 

"Scheriouschly Noizch? You didn't know that?"

 

"...no."

 

"HAW HAW HAW WHAT AN AH-HO!"

 

"...what-"

 

"HAW HAW HAW!"

 

"Seriously what are you even sayi-"

 

"HOHOHOHOHO!"

 

"What the fuck are you-"

 

"Koujaku schut up already."

 

"HOHOHOokay."

 

You feel your lump rise upon remembering that you have a date with Ren tomorrow. You almost forgot, and still have to ask your granny for a ride to the movie theater. You also have to remind Ren 10.5 times to ask his mom to let him spend the night. And you have to remind him to bring his organic pillow case and sleeping bag too. So much to do and you almost forgot! Ren has passed out again and you don't think he's breathing anymore so you sit him up and let him gag in an out-of-breath-sexy-way.

 

"Aaaaaaaaaaaboba are youuuu…" he begins. He must feel your prize and joy on his butt.

 

"No."

 

"Oooooh. Okay thennnn."

 

You let the little bitch slip back into it's cave before Ren awkwardly breathes himself into hell. 

 

The stupid Dragon Ball Z alarm chimes and the 'STUDY OF THE GODS' Friday meeting comes to an end. Noiz speeds out not wanting to help clean up Mink's corner. Ren goes to pee in next stall over, and Koujaku starts collecting all of his hair products. He looks a little bummed since he forgot to do everyones' hair this time. You feel a bit guilty. Oh well fuck the weeb he has dolls at home he can screw around with. You help Mink remove the fallen construction paper and crumple it into a snowball shape. You chuck it into the trash with a mighty leap and just manage to miss it by a foot. Not bad. You almost had it that time. But making a basket from 5 feet away is tough with your delicate arms. Ren finishes up and goes to wash his hands in the sink. You wait and watch with great interest. Being all like- yeah you rub that soap in…yeah scrub a dub dub that pinkie finger-

 

He finishes up after singing his abc's extra slow, ripping out a paper towel from the machine and rubbing his hands dry, then yanks out another and uses it to open the door. You follow behind him and waltz up to his side, linking arms.

 

"Maybe you schould schpend the entire weekend~" You flirt. Ren nearly trips over himself, and upon catching himself manages to let you slam into the ground. You jump up like everything is fine and that your nose doesn't feel broken and instead just laugh it off. Your shoulder feels misplaced but whatever everything is fine and Ren didn't almost send you crashing through the actual floor. 

 

"OOOOOOHHHHHHHHH MY GOSHHHHHHHH SORRRRRRRRYYYYYY!" Ren panics, and almost gives himself a heart attack.

 

"Ren it'sch fine-"

 

"OOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH-"

 

"Ren I schaid it'sch fine, you don't need to kill yourschelf over thi-"

 

"IIIIIIIII'M A BADDDDDD PEEEEEEEEERSOOOOOOOON-"

 

"Ren no-"

 

"I MIIIIIIGHT KILLLLLLL PEOPLEEEEEEE!!/??!!?"

 

"Ren goddamnitsch calm down-"

 

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-"

 

You grab Ren's face and squish it. He shuts up and looks at you like 'wtf how did you even reach me from up here you tiny munchkin' but that's probably just your tiny-man-syndrome making you think dumb shit.

 

"You will schpend the night at my housche, and we will eat schoup and go schee a docu-men-tary on water." You say blankly so he understands exactly how much you've actually planned out.

 

"Oooooooooooookay." He replies unsure, but not wanting to test you.

 

So okay. Your date with a babe is now. ~~You are so lucky you managed this~~ \- YOU MEAN YOU ARE SO FUCKING AWESOME BECAUSE YOU TOTALLY DESERVE THIS DATE YOU'RE SO COOL LOOK AT YOUR SMILE IT'S SUCH A CATCH.

 

-.-.-.-

 

"So Mink, you have a fake I.D right?"

 

*Scribble scribble*

 

' _Yeah_ '

 

"Can you use it to buy me my hentai-"

 

*Scribble scribble*

 

' _no_ '

 

"But why!?"

 

*Scribble scribble*

 

' _it's not legal_ '

 

"BUT YOU HAVE IT RIGHT? HAVING A FAKE I.D ISNT LEGAL EITHER!"

 

*Scribble scribble*

 

' _that's different. I use it for prescription foot cream_ '

 

"WHY WOULD YOU EVEN NEED A FAKE I.D FOR THAT STUFF!?"

 

*Scribble scribble*

 

' _leave me alone_ '

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This took me way too long! I wasn't sure where exactly to take it, but it's gotten somewhere at least! Next chapter is the date~~ Other ships might make an appearance. Our tumblrs are 'Rainingfurbies' (temporary in honor of spoopy month) and 'Freewoodking' so feel free to talk with us!


	3. STUDY OF THE GODS 'gays' meeting (without Aoba) #1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You do some pretty sweet cracker hacker shits with your hands and laptop and trash yo

Your name is not fucking Aoba.

Who the hell do you think you are coming in here with your ugly as fuck pimply pizza face and nerd glasses? What god forsaken name was given to you?

Noiz. Fucking Noiz? What kind of name is that? A hipster wannabe name. You like to think you're cool. So cool, that you hacked into the fucking draft document and made it about you, rather than your retainer trash loser pal who was too busy getting ready for gay dates then to actually give a care about how you totally cracked a wicked hack on his ancient computer. 

 

"What are you doing?" asks a dumbass weeaboo who is sitting behind you, breathing down your neck like a creep.

 

"Hacking."

 

"What a totally baka thing to do."

 

"I fucking hate you."

 

The dumbass weeaboo huffs and you ignore him with a burning passion. He must still be mad about how you consumed all his pocky sticks the other day. Or maybe he's mad about the vandalism to his mangas which you also had a hand in doing. You don't really care. He's dumb and an ass and thats all that matters. On the rare occasion that you get to hear Aoba ranting about fucKING KOUJAKU AND NOT YOU he usually uses these weird and abusive terms to describe him. Like, 'dumb asparagus' 'bloody snot lasagna' and then of course 'hippo ass' which you never really understood but always appreciated. Aoba can often be an inspiration. But he never plays Pokemon with you and that makes him a loser. While awaiting the day he comes to accept his natural calling, you make do with a Mega Metagross raised with his name. It's one of your most leveled Pokemon, and you are very proud of it. 

 

"Hey Noizu can you hurry up and finish your kuso hacking? We have some learning to do."

 

"How about you take the time I'm spending on some  _quality_ hacking and learn how to speak some god damn english."

 

"FUCK YOU-"

 

A loud slobbery shushing can be heard from around the corner, and you all know it's the east side librarian but at the same time you're all scared shitless because it sounded like Aoba for a second.

 

*Peeta i love Katniss Everdeen so you better back down 'cuz this is more then a fling- so just deal- with it*

 

"What in the totally un-kawaii hell is that?"

 

"It's my phone, hold on."

 

" _what the actual fuc_ -"

 

From: Gay number 1

 

:NOIZ HELP ME:

 

:what:

 

:NOIZ HE IS STRANGLING ME WITH HIS ARM HOW DO I TELL HIM NICELY TO STOP!??!??!1?!!?!?!?1//1/?:

 

:wow haha:

 

:NOIZ IM GOING TO BE KILLED BY MY FUTURE HUSBAND BEFORE HE EVEN BECOMES MY FUCKING HUSBAND DONT FUKCING LAUGH HELP ME:

 

:no:

 

:WHY THE FUCK ISNT KOUJAKU ANSWERING HIS MESSAGES HE'D ANSWER THEM WAY BETTER THAN YOU:

 

:well excuse fucking you: 

 

:OH MY GOD CAN HE EAT POPCORN?!?!? I JUST OFFERED HIM A HANDFUL AND HE LOOKED SCARED IS IT BC I TRIED TO FORCE FEED HIM A HANDFUL OF POPCORN OR IS IT BC HE'S ALLERGIC TO BUTTER???:

 

:more like allergic to ur butt:

 

:OH MY GOD NOIZ I HATE YOU I WILL FUCKING KILL YOU WITH MY RETAINER THE NEXT TIME I SEE YOU:

 

:just don't break another window:

 

:I THOUGHT WE AGREED TO NOT MENTION THAT ONE TIME I FUCKED UP:

 

:no we didn't:

 

:I AM GOING TO FUCKING:

:WAIT HOLD ON:

:OH GOD HE'S DYIGN ISNT HE TTYL:

 

:wowie owie:

 

"Who was that?" The dumbass weeaboo asks, as though it's his business to know.

 

"Nobody."

 

"But it was somebody because you were texting them. So who the kuso was it. Do they like anime?"

 

"Fuck off you trash bucket."

 

"oHHHHH MYYY GOOOOOOOOD-"

 

Another aggressive spitty shushing can be heard from around the corner and you all jump because it sounds like Aoba yet again and it's like his ghost is haunting you while he tries to gay date.

 

"Where's Mink anyways?" You ask while not even looking around at anything but your laptop because you are still hacking like a pro bro.

 

"Minku's right in front of you baka."

 

"Oh. Hi Mink." 

 

You hear a grunt in response, and peer over your laptop to see Mink doing his studying. He scribbles something down on one of his typical pink sticky notes, and shows it to you.

 

' _stop looking at me_ '

 

"Whatever." You say slightly annoyed. You're supposed to be the passive cool one. Not that fucking loser. He always makes it seem like you're the annoying one, but it's totally him. He doesn't even talk. Thats really fucking annoying. More annoying then you could ever be.

 

*Peeta i love Katniss Everdeen so you better back down 'cuz this is more then a fling- so just deal- with it*

 

"Ugh." You pick up your phone weakly and see what the fuck the blue mullet gay wanted now.

 

From: Gay number 1

 

:HE MIGHT HUMP THE DOOR NOIZ HELP ME WHAT DO I DO:

 

:what the actual fuck:

 

:I THINK HE'S ALLERGIC TO THE ROSEMARY NOIZ WHAT DO I DO I DONT KNOW IF HE HAS AN EPIPEN:

 

:haha oh my god:

 

:NOIZ PLEASE:

 

:nah im busy talk to me later:

 

:HOLY FUCK NOIZ I CAN NOT BELIEVE YOU:

 

You fUCKING SLAM your phone back down and go back to hacking. You were actually done hacking awhile ago, so now you're just playing some coolmath.com games. 

You hear a very masculine grunt as well as a slightly strangled cough coming from the big kahuna sitting across from you. He's holding another note for you to waste your very precious time reading.

 

' _Hows he doing_ '

 

"Gayly." You reply effortlessly. You return your attention back to delivering virtual pizza. You glance at Koujaku who is using an asswipe to polish his sword. Wait- he brought his fucking banned sword to the library? 

 

"Koujaku what the hell is that doing here."

 

"Her name is Mikasa, thank you very much, and unless Aoba is here who else is going to protect you dumb Americans from the yakuza?"

 

"Mink, tell him to shove that thing back up his ass before we get caught. Again."

 

' _Shove Mikasa back up your ass, red._ '

 

"fuCK YOU GUYS OKAY-"

 

"I SAID SHHHHHHHH!!" Screams the east side librarian, right before her dentures fall out onto the floor. That's when all the chaos ensues. Koujaku screams and several children laugh and you fell out of your chair onto the floor and apparently your fatass landed on a fucking child and Mink is praying in tongues as the east side librarian loses her glasses and tries to locate her dentures blindly as well as feel around for her recently lost glasses and some baby is chewing on her glasses and another kid is messing with her dentures and you should have fucking listened when Mink told you and the weeb that you should find somewhere less occupied to study but no you just had to study in the kids' section and now Koujaku is crying because it turns out the kid whose skull you nearly destroyed with your ass was actually his. Your phone gives you a text message alert which you can hardly even hear over the screams but you decide this is the best opportune moment to see how the blue gay is doing on his date.

 

From: Gay number 1

:NOIZ PLS I THINK HE'S GONNA DIE HE'S CHOKING ON FEATHERS WHAT IF HE HAS A BIRD ALLERGY ARE THOSE EVEN BIRD FEATHERS MAYBE THEY'RE MADE FROM HORSE HAIR LIKE COUCHES ARE:

 

:why is it that every time you message me it has something to do with Ren being near death, yet he's never actually dead:

 

:NOIZ CUT THE SASS THIS IS IMPORTANT LIKE MY GRANNY IS GETTING MAD BC SHE THINKS IM OVERREACTING BUT REN HAS HEALTH ISSUES OK I NEED TO TAKE CARE OF HIM:

 

:okay then wife aoba:

 

:CUT THE FUCKING SASS YOU NITWIT I WILL GO HERMEY ON YOU AND YANK OUT ALL YOUR TEETH IN YOUR SLEEP:

 

:who the hell is hermey:

 

:it's from rudolph but whatever jusT HELP MEEEE:

 

:nah I honestly thought you'd be more interesting then a crying weeb and a blind toothless library lady but never fucking mind ur boring as fuck:

:later loser:

You turn your attention back to the huge commotion in front of you that is still currently happening. Everyone is screaming still but at least the east side librarian managed to locate her baby-spit covered glasses, but apparently not her dentures because a kid is trying to swallow them. You like that kid. He reminds you of yourself. You know he will move on to do great things once the east side librarian chokes the dentures out of his mouth. Suddenly everything hits the fucking hell fan when Koujaku whips out his sword screaming at the top of his lungs "FOR ZELDA" before charging towards the exit and just fucking leaving. 

You and Mink escape while you still can, thanks to Koujaku's exit being a good distraction. So, you both decide to go out for ice-cream since you aint gonna be getting any studying done. He picks fucking Vanilla with cinnamon sprinkled on top and you go for Cake batter because you are a child at heart.

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FINALLY AND UPDATE sorry guys I've been in and out of writing lately, but finally an update. Next chapter will actually be DATE NIGHT please leave a comment if you'd like to! The ringtone Noiz has is from this https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8IRrv5ZBGmI

**Author's Note:**

> *Crawls up the wall*  
> *Wheezes from the ceiling*  
> Nerd!Dmmd au was totally necessary. Future chapters shall include some more important characters. Hint hint. Hint. hinthinthinthinthint.  
> Also our blogs are 'Rainingfailure' and 'Marco-boot' if you want to talk to us! If anything does happen with this fic, that tag shall be 'dmmdnerds'!


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